The Biggest Mistake Women Make When Trying to Orgasm during Sex
Quit comparing the way you make love to porn movies
The video above zeroes in on the “pressure to climax during sex”. Really, men and women who are used to watching the progression of female orgasm in pornographic films should just sit back, turn off the DVD and just enjoy no-pressure sex to have fun!
Yesterday, I got a letter from a dear friend who has been through a rough break up and is starting over with another beau. Here’s what she wrote:
“We had sex for the first time last night. I didn’t climax but the sex was pretty special. For the first time in my life, I think I’ve found a guy who really understood my body and what I want. It’s weird that I didn’t feel frustrated with the lack of orgasm (you know how it was while I was dating Dan). I can’t believe how relaxed I was. I can hardly wait for the next time we do it.”
My friend had GREAT sex, but she didn’t reach climax. How is that possible? Isn’t female climax during intercourse a big deal? Before we answer that, consider the following:
- Some women enjoy sex whether or not they have climax. They’re ok with just enjoying the sensations without craving release. And,
- A woman forms her opinion of good sex according to how she feels before, during and after sex.
In my friend’s case, she’s well on her way to getting the fast, consistent climax that we all want. Why? Because she got started right! All this talk about female orgasm might have made many of you miss the most important factor in achieving female orgasm:
MOOD
If you feel sexy and comfortable, you enjoy sex. If you feel horny and your partner does everything in his power to make you feel hotter, you want sex to go on forever. In short, you’re having fun … and you are more likely to orgasm than another woman who thinks of orgasm first before focusing on feeling sexy, being comfortable and having fun.
To illustrate, who do you think is very close to orgasm?
A. The woman who thinks “he’s been thrusting for an hour, why am I still not reaching climax?”, or
B. The woman who thinks “his penis feels so stiff inside me… He’s f*cking me like he can’t get enough of me! … Darn it, this feels sooo good!”
If you answered B, you are absolutely right!
It’s ironic that orgasm comes only when we’re having fun, and when we don’t focus on reaching climax. The moment we start thinking of orgasm as the end-all of great sex, we won’t even stray close to getting it.
Here’s how Dear Deidre puts it:
It really doesn’t matter how or when a woman reaches her climax, as long as she enjoys it, but if a couple feel that they very much would like the woman to climax during intercourse, they may find a change in position will help or he can caress her at the same time.
If you focus on your mood every time you make love, sex will always be great. And, when you find the exact combination of mood, position and mindset that pushes you over the brink, orgasm becomes inevitable. You really can’t stop it from happening.
To discover more about the “inevitable orgasm”, click here.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I’ll admit that I used to do this too. I didn’t allow myself to get into the moment and feel the passion, because I was so busy thinking about trying to convey it first. Once I stopped trying to make noise, and give out these unnatural “oohs,” then it got so much better for me. You just have to stop caring about how well you are ‘acting.’
Porn isn’t about trying to make each other feel good, it’s all about trying to make something look cool on camera and getting good angles. You have to twist your body around in certain positions, but still go “ooh” and “aah.” Real life and what truly feels good is nothing like what you see in most porn videos. I’ve only seen a select couples style films that are more on point with that.
I’ve really come to understand how closely related sex and meditation are. They both are about letting your mind and body feel free, and entering into a state of bliss. In fact, they almost are the same thing in concept. Once you allow yourself to let go, then the sex gets so much better.
While I’m all for the porn industry having freedom to explore their possibilities, I also feel that it is so damaging to actual couples and bedroom sex. Men often watch it and continuously try to emulate and imitate what they see, not realizing that women don’t really enjoy it. I mean, they’ll say they do, but I often think they’re just telling themselves that because they’re also trying to emulate what they see too. Great blog post.
Some women can have some hormonal issues that affect their ability to climax. Also, if they are on some certain medications, especially depresson medicines, that can have an impact too.
I think sometimes sex doesn’t always have to have a climax or an immediate ejaculation. In tantric sex, sometimes it’s a buildup process that happens in the course of a day, when you just allow yourself to play and experiment a bit, without any mission or goal.
I’m really proud of her for finding some inner consolidation and self comfort, even if I don’t know her. I’m just glad that a fellow female can become more comfortable in her own skin.
What an awesome article! Such as with areas of life when we let go of our expectations that we should get a mind blowing experience first time, every time, we actually experience something REAL and amazing and can build upon that. It does no good to short change ourselves by trying to script our experiences. Life is not a movie-so stop expecting to meet your “o face” mark. Just let it come…or not and enjoy the ride!
When we read the net, it alwyas says on how to make your man happy in bed why can’t. I need to find my own hapiness in bed and enjoy and thanks to that article maybe i was doing it wrongly, the whole focus things-end before the process.
hi thanks for sending video please send me sex vids
As a male, I feel like I’m eavesdropping in a women’s world, but THANK YOU. After almost 30 years of marriage our sex life has gotten better and better. Most importantly, I do see my wife’s “O” face most of the time. However our entire married life it has bothered me that her climax has almost never come from vaginal sex. Orally or her finger tips while I love her breasts…no problem. I have always been concerned that I may might be a disappointment that that element is not being reached. The comments I am seeing and reading here support the words my wife tells me, so THANKS for helping me to understand the female climax – this male mystery – better.