It is estimated that approximately 10% of females have never experienced an orgasm during sexual intercourse with a partner or through self gratification. As a result, a significant number of these women have sought help from my therapy sessions. Most of them arrive for their initial consultation feeling confused about what it takes for them to reach an orgasm.
An important factor is the knowledge of how to create and nurture a sense of balance between tension and relaxation experienced in the development of having sex. The question that begs to be answered is this: how can women achieve the feeling of tension and relaxation simultaneously?
The tension that is involved in helping women reach a climax is myotonia or muscle tension. For many women, their perception is that orgasms can only be achieved if they relax and lay back passively.
This is because they have been programmed to believe that it is important for them to relax during sex. It has now emerged that tension in the muscles is essential for women who want to experience orgasms. Numerous women have discovered that their very first orgasm involved a conscious combination of tightening muscles in the legs, abdomen and buttocks. In some cases, tension in the feet muscles is also recommended. Other women create tension in the upper area of their bodies.
A negligible number of women do not have tension in their bodies when they are about to climax. It is interesting to note that the contractions in the muscles of the lower pelvis are essential for a memorable orgasm. These are the same muscles you tighten to discontinue the flow of your pee and they tighten when a woman reaches a climax.
This group of muscles is known as the pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles) and the repetitive contraction of these muscles is known as a Kegel exercise. A good number of women tighten these muscles during sexual activity as a bid to increase their feelings of arousal. Tension in various muscles enhances the flow of blood to your genital region. This is an important factor in terms of arousal and it is scientifically referred to as vascongestion.
Where does the relaxation fit in to this puzzle? The brain. When a woman is advised to relax, the implication is that she should not be worried during intercourse, ask questions or rush herself. She should instead focus on how she feels when she is stimulated.
A tip for maintaining the feeling of relaxation is the use of the silent radio in the mind application. You might have seen silent radios in post offices or anywhere else where long waiting lines occur. The purpose of these radios is to keep people calm when they wait for a long time. Another type of visualization is the Times Square billboard that displays a flow of words from the left side towards the right and these words eventually disappear from view. These usually give information about sports, news and horoscopes.
When this application is used during sex, a number of women are helped by the thoughts of songs in their silent radios. They repeat lines such as “I will let this moment last” or “This feels amazing”. The brain is kept occupied by such thoughts that stimulate sexual arousal and blocks out thoughts that cause arousal to diminish.
It is clear, therefore, that learning how to have an orgasm constitutes the two seemingly contradictory suggestions. When they are implemented physically, they yield positive results.
