Sexual repression brought about by culture, religion and tradition indirectly dictate the way we make love, and the way we handle requests made by our partners during sex. Social programming has a lot to do with our sexuality, and the effect is more pronounced in women than in men. Our belief systems teach us how to deal with masturbation; they also affect how we define perversion.
There are women who have never tried masturbation, even during adulthood because they grew up thinking that it is something that shouldn’t be done, and that sex should only be done with a partner. It is safe to assume that women who grew up thinking this way either learn about sex only when they are married, or they keep their sexual fantasies and penchant for masturbation under wraps to still maintain the outward semblance of purity.
In the latter case, the “perverse” actions that lead to sexual gratification become a woman’s dirty little secret. What to her are “temporary indulgences that she must not reveal to anyone” could be something that other women do on a normal basis. Some examples include frequent masturbation, using sex toys to massage her privates and dreaming of pleasuring a guy with her mouth (blow job). Of course, keeping things about our most private thoughts hush-hush won’t affect her relationship with her partner, until a situation like anorgasmia results from the repression of sexual urges.
Like a woman revealed to me in a letter, “How can I suddenly come up to my husband and ask to talk dirty while we’re having sex? We were both raised in a traditional family and he won’t welcome the thought of doing something that is too wanton for him. Will he still maintain his respect for me if I start spewing expletives during sex?”
Needless to say, these belief systems determine how open we are to experimentation during sex. They also determine our willingness to try out new sex positions, sex toys and even dirty talk. There are many ways of spicing up our sex lives, but these are all dependent on how the woman categorizes the methods according to what she believes to be “proper”.
For instance, many women don’t see anal sex as a “norm”, and would hesitate before responding positively to a partner’s barely suppressed excitement at the thought of doing it. Some women would flat out deny the request, because it’s something that’s out of the norm for them. This notion applies to every aspect of sex, from blowjob to cunnilingus, to fingering. If a woman’s belief system does not allow any activity that could be a source of pleasure, there’s not much the man or the woman herself can do about it.
I am not saying that these belief systems are bad, or that they are barriers to sexual enjoyment. Women may still be able to achieve climax during sex even with these beliefs in place. It cannot be denied, however, that traditional programming will prevent a woman from really exploring her sexuality over and beyond her comfort zone.
