There has been a lot of talk lately about sexuality and how women view themselves as sexual beings. For me, being positive about my sexuality means never losing touch with your sexual side and never forgetting that sex is a sacred thing. Your sexuality is a part of you that you share with your partner, revel in and take pride in.
Everyone has a sexual side, that much we know. However, our sexual tastes, preferences and quirks differ so greatly that we can only accept that kind of diversity. This notion is helpful for those who are looking to improve sexual compatibility with their partners. I think sexual compatibility starts with sexual acceptance. We can accept that we are different sexually, that your partner may not share the same sexual beliefs, and that we can all learn a lot from each other.
This is from Carol Queen’s piece, “Elements of Sex-Positivity:”
Here’s the deal: Sex positivity means you acknowledge that sex is, or could be under the right circumstances, a positive, healthy force in anyone’s life… even if it isn’t right now. Those circumstances may not be the same for everyone (though some may be universal, like consent), but they include things like access to information, support, condoms (if relevant), a loving (or at least friendly) partner, healing from past negative sexual experiences like rape or abuse, privacy, enhanced self-esteem, etc.
This list could be very long and, again, it won’t contain the same exact elements for everyone. This leads to the rest of what sex-positivity is, namely, the acknowledgement that not everyone’s sexuality, including sexual needs and desires, is the same, such that one person’s optimum, positive sexuality may not look anything like another person’s. That is, sex-positivity includes the acceptance of sexual diversity, and acknowledges that optimum sexual wellbeing for you might look different than it does for me.
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I love how you mention sex as being sacred. In a relationship, sex is so much more than just a physical and mechanical act. It’s a spiritual expression and means of connection with each other.